How to Deal with Stereotypes at Work – 4 Tips

It’s amazing how stereotypes are so common in our society. Sometimes people use it intentionally, out of insecurity, in their communication to put down other people. Other times, people use stereotypes in their conversations and don’t even realize it.

There tends to be two main angles of stereotypes at work:

• When you’re on the receiving end of comments based on stereotypes.
• When you’re the one speaking in stereotypes and potentially not even aware of it.

I personally have experienced both and what I’ve realized is that all of us have stereotypes about people in our minds. If you don’t believe me, try the following:

• When you see a heavier person walking by you, what are you thinking?
• When you see two guys speaking close together, what are you thinking?
• When you hear two ladies talking loudly in a foreign language at a restaurant, what are you thinking?

Whatever comes to your mind is a stereotype. It’s inevitable, even when you’re the most open-minded person out there. What can make a stereotype negative is when you…

• Decide to pre-form an opinion about that person as a result.
• Decide to communicate to that person directly or indirectly based on a stereotype based on the pre-formed opinion.

Well, you may say, “I don’t do that, especially at work. That’s unprofessional. It’s even written in the professional conduct manual of every major company.” I would say that’s probably true of the commonly known stereotypes. Comments based on gender, race, age, religion, sexual orientation, etc. are strictly forbidden in the workplace.

What about stereotypes you’re not aware of? Here are some comments that I’ve heard in the workplace that are also based on stereotypes. What do you think of these?

• “He’s a lifer” – This refers to someone who has been at a company for many years. The implication when someone says this is unusually condescending, meaning
  • He probably can’t get a job elsewhere.
  • He’s no longer a go-getter.
  • He doesn’t want to rock the boat.
• “You’re a consultant, therefore…” – I’ve heard this a lot from almost every one of my jobs. Besides the harmless jokes, clients, co-workers, and even friends have used this line on me to imply I’m less capable. For example,
  • … you don’t know how to execute.
  • … you don’t know how to run a REAL business.
  • … you don’t have any original thoughts.
• “She’s a bottoms up person ….” or “She’s a top down person.” – These are other stereotypes I’ve heard about me or others to imply the following:
  • “Bottoms up” person – Doesn’t see big picture / aren’t strategic
  • “Top down person” – Doesn’t understand details / feet doesn’t touch the ground
• “He is ENFJ, therefore..” If you are familiar with Meyers-Briggs, then you recognize these letters. These four letters are just an example. They could say any combination of the possible outcomes of a Meyers-Briggs test. Companies are increasingly using these assessments to help the employees understand themselves and assess their career paths. That’s all great. Where this can become a stereotype is when a co-worker uses the result in a sentence to justify an opinion about another co-worker.
  • “You’re ISTJ, therefore I know you would set a detailed agenda for our meeting.”
  • “You’re ESFJ. This explains why you’re so over-invested in building relationships.”

These are just a few examples. If you think about it, subtle stereotypes are all around us. Any time you generalize a person’s behavior to put them in a group of people, you ARE forming a stereotype. What is the harm of these stereotypes? Here’s the harm.

1. It can be very condescending – Whoever says these stereotypes in their conversation is trying to feel superior about themselves, intentionally or unintentionally.
2. It can make people feel powerless to change their perception – Just like gender or race or sexual orientation, whatever the generalization we received in a stereotype, we cannot change it. I can’t change that I was a consultant for many years or the fact my Meyers-Briggs test result is XXXX just as equally that I cannot change that I’m a woman.

Here’s how to deal with stereotypes at work. When you’re on the receiving end of these comments, it’s up to you to decide how to interpret and respond. Here are four tips.

1. Let it go – Most people are unaware when they use subtle generalizations in their conversation. When it’s used towards you for the first time, let it go. It’s not worth the energy to address it. Sometimes focusing on something minor actually makes it more legitimate. So just ignore it and move on.
2. Raise awareness – If it’s happening more than once or twice, then it’s important to address it especially if you feel like it’s condescending or you’re trapped by the comments. It’s useless to get defensive or angry. Instead stay calm and ask them a question to raise their awareness. You can say, “I know I was a consultant for a long time. I can’t change that past. Are you saying that you don’t think I can ever run a business?” This kind of question will put the other person on notice to raise their awareness of what they just said to you. Most people will back off what they say as a response and perhaps think twice before they use this kind of comment with you again.
3. Change your perspective and know your self-worth: At the end of the day, you can’t always change other people. Even after pushing back, they may still keep doing it. A person’s comment may come across condescending but you don’t have to accept their comments as the truth. Sometimes people use these generalizations thinking it helps them explain their rationale. Other times, people are using it to feel superior. Either way, it’s their problem that they’re naive or insecure. Don’t take people’s words literally. It is up to you to decide whether what someone says is valid. I know this is not easy but just realize that you can always choose whether you take anyone’s comments seriously. I have been a consultant for many years and was told “consultants cannot execute.” Well, I’m hired in a role now where execution is my main job and I know I’m good at it.
4. Be aware of your own communications – You have to work with other people every day such as people with a variety of backgrounds, career paths, life stories, and communication styles. Be the most aware when you’re in a situation where you feel insecure either because you are new to it or because someone’s communication puts you on the defensive. Either way, this is the most likely time you will want to “defend” yourselves and perhaps use generalization as a method to “retaliate” and prove your own points. Resist the temptation. It is up to all of us to become better people and better colleagues.

If you remember nothing else, remember this – Stereotyping is an expression of insecurity. We generalize often to make sense of things in life and work. It’s human nature as we’re surrounded by all different kinds of people. Enjoy that diversity even when you disagree as it’s what makes work and life interesting.