How to Deal with a Tough Boss
Someone asked me a question on how to deal with an unreasonably tough boss? The person who asked me this question didn’t provide specifics, so I offered five general tips on how to deal with a tough boss that can work in any situation.
Tip 1: Don’t try to change your boss. This may be obvious. It’s tempting to think perhaps there’s something I can do or say to change my boss’s behavior. My advice is don’t do it. You’ll only make things worse. You cannot control others, but you can control what you do and how you respond to your boss. Focus your energy on what you can do or change in dealing with this boss.
Tip 2: Clarify expectations. Are you absolutely clear on what your boss expects from your work? Many times a boss appears to be tough on you because you think he/she wants you to focus on “xyz” when in fact he cares more about “abc”. In the confusion of receiving unexpected negative feedback from your boss, you may not realize that you and your boss are not aligned on what your work priorities should be. So ask yourself this: are you and your boss on the same page about what your role is and where you should focus? If you’re not sure, then proactively set up a meeting with your boss to fully understand his/her expectations.
Tip 3: Ask for specific feedback. If you’ve received a lot of negative feedback about your work, make sure you ask for specific examples of how you can do better next time. Many bosses are not good at giving constructive feedback, so it’s up to you to pull it out of them and learn. Stay calm when you’re in these discussions and ask your boss to tell you exactly how to improve. If you approach this with an open mind and a neutral tone, you may just find out surprising things about what is driving your boss’s intentions for being “tough on you.”
Tip 4: Limit the impact to your self-esteem. Sometimes we let what our boss says to us mean too much (to our self-confidence and self-perception). This happens to many of us who are what I would call “Pleaser Achievers.” If much of your work happiness depends on whether your boss recognizes or praises your work, you can feel downright distraught when he/she doesn’t do this. The way to deal with this is to stop letting what your boss says in dictating your own self-worth. If you have skills and know you’re doing good work, let this be enough even if your boss is not good at motivating you.
Tip 5: Start looking elsewhere. While most of us don’t have the luxury to just quit or switch bosses when our current boss is less than ideal, we can always look around secretly to see if we can find something better. You can start looking at other companies or even switch departments in the same company. Obviously you need to keep these activities behind the scenes. Just the act of exploring other options will boost your self-confidence and give you fresh perspectives. No job is perfect. Your boss is a big factor in a job but not the only factor.
When you look around, you may just find something better. In which case, you now have an option to leave or stay. This will give you the freedom and control over your fate. Other times, as you look around, you may realize your current job may not be so bad. It’s worth working on tip numbers 2 to 4 a little more than the others.