Interpersonal Skills Example – Can You Let It Go?

How interpersonal skills apply at work

We all have had interactions with co-workers that feel like this – interactions where we feel we did everything right but somehow the other person still complains. For example, let’s say…

• We asked politely for some important information from a co-worker.
• The co-worker promised to deliver it by x date, only to not do it at all or acknowledge it on that date.
• We followed up to ask for status. What we receive back is this co-worker complaining that our request wasn’t clear enough and he then tells us all the things he still needs to get it done.

Now we have two choices on how to respond. Which one do you think is more effective?

1. Demonstrate why we are right. We can tell him our displeasure and how we expected that he should have at least communicated back what he needed from us to get the work done, especially when he promised to deliver it by X date.This is usually the natural reaction from most of us. We expected a level of professionalism. How do you think that would have gone? Would he be happy to be corrected? Would he apologize immediately for his wrong action? Probably not.
2. Focus on getting the information we need. We can let go of the fact that he didn’t keep his own promise, apologize to him for not being clear in the request, and then provide all the data he needs, so he can deliver what we need. How do you think that would have gone? Probably much better.
   • If he was overwhelmed with other work, he would appreciate us not calling him out on not keeping his own promise.
   • He’s likely to focus more on getting the info to us since we were still polite enough to ask him for it without demanding.
   • If he’s simply not good at his job, we can’t change him anyway. At least this way, we’re one step closer to getting the info we need.

At the end of the day, our primary objective is to get what we want. It’s not about being right. For this co-worker, what we ultimately wanted was getting the info we needed from him.

Often we lose sight of the primary objective when we feel “wronged” by someone. We want to tell them why THEY were wrong. While this urge is natural, it’s completely unproductive. Nobody ever likes being corrected, even when they’re wrong on some level. This is why this simple interpersonal skills example is so relevant for work. We break relationships when we focus on being right. We’re better partners and leaders when we focus on the larger picture of getting the work done.